Heart Break.

"and I have the Sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go."


I took the ring off, and with out it I feel naked. Looking at the place where it once was, remembering what was and what I thought would have been, looking back on the day she slipped it on to my finger. Now the ring sits on my in my jewlery box with all the other unimportant jewlery I never wear. I had to put it away so that I cannot see it, because every time I look at it I am reminded of all that will never be. I was looking at all the pictures, reading through all of our old messages and comments and for the life of me I cannot understand how she can just stop loving me in such a short amount of time. How can some one fall so quickly out of love? What did I do that was so wrong? What is so wrong with me that in a matter of two weeks everything that was said and done now means nothing? It is easier on her because she no longer loves me. But I am still in love with the one person I can no longer have. I have never felt so emotionally Drained and never before has my heart ached so bad. I would much rather have believed that this was all my fault, rather than know that she just does not love me any longer because atleast then there is hope, at least then there is a chance I can fix it. But how do I fix what is no longer there? I cant, and it is all I wish to do. I keep hearing that 'there are other fish in sea' and that I will find some one else but I do not want to love any one else, only her. How did I not know she no longer loved me? am I really Just that blind? I thought we were happy, I thought this was fate. I was stupid to think such a thing. I try to be positive, thinking well maybe it was fate that brought us together, whether it is meant as lovers or just as friends, whether we end up together again, or 10 years from now we are getting our two families together for dinner. But how can I believe what I am telling my self when it feels like my heart and soul have been taken from me, smashed on the ground around where I lay, looking some ridiculous chalk out-line. I will get over this one day I am sure, but for now I just want to wallow in my heart ache.

" Deep within I'm shaken by the violence Of existing for only you."

Hope... It's all you have. Time is all you can give.

Happiness isn't Just an illusion, its reality and you find it in almost every aspect of your life. One day you find something or some one who makes you see happiness in a whole new light and you hold on to it for everything its worth. Some times you let your fears of losing it over take all emotions, you say things that you don't mean and by doing so you hurt the happiness and now everything is in question. You fuck up, you forgive your self, you learn from your mistakes and hope that everything will be okay, and wish that you could take it all back, you want to rewind time and think before you speak but you cant, there is no time machine and what you said has been said and there is not changing that. You know in your heart of hearts that it will get better because you have hope and hope is what keeps you together.

Depression makes you feel worthless when you know there is nothing wrong. It makes you contemplate everything that you are and everything you have ever wanted to be. They say "Time heal's all wounds" We'll I think that is true, and I will give it time, time to heal and I will wait for what I love and I will fight to keep that love alive.

Like Repunzel in the tower, I will be here waiting and when the time comes to mend all wounds I will 'let my hair down' and watch it cascade down the tower and hope that for all that is good and all that there is that this too shall heal.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Because I love her as she loves me and at the end of the day it is all that matters.

the holly bunch.. SKANK

Star Jones, ALL HAIL QUEEN OF THE BOBBLE!

Bobble Head's, whats up with that?

Now that I have broken the ice, I would like to discuss the neck of one known as, Star Jones.
Once a neck of Average size, it has begun to take on the emaciated form of Paris Hiltons left Femur. Now I am not saying that Star Jones isn't of a healthy weight, I am just saying that her neck is just 3 sizes to small. Or her head is 3 sizes to big, I am not exactly sure which it is, but I Digress. The point is that Star Jones and her undersized Neck or are Evil and are trying to create a Master Race of small necked people! ... Ok, and she gives a bad name to fat women Everywhere! Nothing Like Kirsti Alley, now that bitch has got some pride, she doesn't care what she looks like, she is proud, and she walks around with out make up too, hmm, well I dont know if she should really being doing that. But any way, the point is, Kirsti Alley has pride for who she is and what she looks like even if she is into that Scientology, lord Xenu, Tom Cruise worshiping, couch jumping, alien soul's trapped in a volcano shit.

By the way, The Alien Over-Lord Formally know AS Lord Xenu is not simply just going by ~**~

Any way the point I was coming to, Star Jones should be Euthanized, Yep and just to ensure there will be none of that returning from the dead shit, then should be decapitated, set on fire and sent hurdling into space, and if her flaming neck happens to land on ~**~ dinner plate, that would be fine too.



Remember Kiddies, Big Brothers watching.

a whole lot of bullshit!

I really, truly, honestly hate my job. I love being there, for one reason alone, my Co-Workers are a good time, I enjoy being around most of them, they are nice and lots of fun to be around. BUT my managers cut my fucking hours, apparently I am not fast enough for them. Here is the thing, if they want me to do the job that it normally takes two people to do, ALONE, then they need to pay me more. That’s how I see it. To top it all off I got written up at work yesterday because I was late for a reason that I could not help. It's not like I did not call them to let them know I would be a little late, What the fuck!
If I did not need the job I would quite, I really would.

On brighter News, my Fiancee is POSSIBLEY, HOPEFULLY, going to be coming up in two weeks for a few days, I cannot wait! :-D. I am already doing the planning in my head of what we will do! I miss her so much, I cannot wait to see that beautiful Face again.
I figure, Movies, Dinner, out a club possible… Not that I want to go I HATE clubs, its true, I hate them A LOT, but She has never been and I know her, she will hate it as I do, but we will let her decide for her self.

Well, that is a short update… Simple and to the point. I am going to get going, maybe I will read a little.
TOMORROW I go SHOE shopping! :-D and maybe go to a little place I like to call the Adult Entertainment shop *winks*

I would love to taser Him in the genitals!!!!!!

Work was absolute hell today! DAMN EASTER HOLIDAY!... Shouldn’t people be having a nice home cooked meal on the holidays? How Lazy are people... GOD DAMN! I have never been so sore in my life 8 hours on my feet, no rest period! AND BOB!!!! I have never felt the need to Taser some one as bad as I wanted to taser Bob Today! The man is an annoying, inconsiderate ASS! Some one bring me a taser gun! like the one used to Taser Latoya Jackson!
Bob will find any way, ANY reason not to do real work. He was constantly walking away from where he should be leaving me alone, which was already hard enough with Just two people, it being the hellish holiday it is. THEN when he is actually helping, he is putting shit where it doesn’t belong! I cannot work when everything is in such a disarray! Its already a fucking mess back there and he makes it A THOUSAND times worse. I try to maintain some kind of order in at least the area we are working in but BOB makes it impossible. I have to do like 5 things at ones, Picking up after bob shouldn’t be one of them, I have enough shit to do with him putting utensils in the wrong bins… Leave dirty pans where they shouldn’t be. It was just ridiculous! *Tasers Bob*
8 Hours on my feet with no rest! That’s right I said it! 8 hours… No rest… STANDING! … WALKING… Lifting!!!!!!! GAAAAAH!
I am so sore and so tired, I think I will go take a little nap before dinner!!!
As Mary said to me today.. “I’m telling you, that boy just don’t have all his French fries.”

"Take a powder... "

I suppose that you just might be wondering about the blog title, well it was a phrase used in the 40's, apparently used to me 'to go'. Oh, how I would loved to have lived around 1925 - 1965. Oh, if only I had a time Machine! wouldn't that just be grand? The Music, the clothes, the people... Oh, how much I would enjoy it. To go see the greats, such as Billie and Ella perform at some Smokey Blues bar in a back alley some where. To go to the movies and see the Goddess of the silver screen, Greta, Bette and Joan... Oh how marvelous it would be.

How boring it is to live in a time when the majority of the music sucks and all the actors my age, couldn't act their way out of a episode of Barney, let alone an Oscar worthy role.

Well, I have said my peace,
Short, sweet and to the point.


Addie.

ITS FISH!!!

I went out and got my self a new cell phone today! Yaaay me! It is nothing special really, something cheap, something simple until My love gets out here and we decide to get a family plan though another Carrier. My sister and I were Originally supposed to get on a plan together! But she is way to fucking picky about the phone she gets, If it is "Ugly" She will refuse to buy it, and then bitches and whines because she doesn't have a phone. Teenagers are so very ridiculous when it comes to material Items! I mean its a phone... If you are Desperate for one then you get what you can get, who the hell cares how it looks, the question is does it work? ... Yes? Then fine buy the ugly phone, at least then you have one. Now on to my phone... like I said it is Cheap and it is Simple... But there is one nifty thing about it(Yes just one.) I have my phone set so that when my people calls me they hear the Aerosmith song "Angel" Quite Fabulous I think, but thats just me. Other than that the phone is basically boring as shit, no MP3 or Camera that I would love so much to have, but that phone will come in time. I know that this Blog is not the most exciting thing to hit the internet, but it shall do for now. I promise that I will write something more interesting a little later.

Au Revior,
Addie.

Yeah?

Kill the baby! I helped pick the numbers!

Nuff said.